so long facebook...

it's been nearly a week since i deactivated my facebook and twitter accounts.  i even deleted the apps from my phone.  i began to use facebook as outlet and i felt connected to my friends and my family. all of the games i play were linked to facebook.  my favorite music app was linked to facebook. ...i was linked to facebook.
thinking to myself turned into status updates. i spent hours sifting through profiles and pictures.  commenting and waiting for comments.  i found myself becoming emotionally attracted to it.  
my girlfriend said i was addicted.  i never made it a secret that i was.  i liked it. i liked it a lot.  
so what do i do now? i'm figuring it out.  



  

This time I'm serious

there's this vicious cycle of mine that i always seem to get trapped in.  its a battle between me and whatever it is i'm fighting with and majority of the time come out on the bottom. even when i've won, i haven't gained.  so i see that as making me a loser still.
this isn't a pity party or a self bashing session.  it's just a wake the fuck up and do sumthin!!!
 i guess you could say i'm almost tired of losing.  this time i'm serious...i think.

I've been listening to Prince allll day

After a full day of listening to Prince and me being mad at my iPod because The Ballad of Dorothy Parker or Joy in Repetition wasn't on it, I came home and got even more pissed to find that disc 1 of Sign 'O' The Times was missing.  Ugghhhhhh.  If it wasn't for You Tube, I might have punched somebody.  Well not really, but it's pretty serious to me.  It's the end of the night and after an evening of scattered CD's all over the place and being on Prince overload, I end IT all with IT.  Peace and sexiNESS!


IT feels so good IT must be a crime, all right 
I wanna do IT baby every day, all right 
In a bed, on the stairs, anywhere, all right 
I wanna do IT baby all the time, all right 
Cuz when we do IT girl, IT's so divine, all right 
I  could be guilty 4 my honesty, all right 
But I've got 2 tell U what U mean 2 me, all right 
With U I swear, I'm a maniac, all right 
U see IT ain't no joke, just a natural fact, all right 
I wanna do IT baby all the time, all right 
Cuz when we do IT girl, IT's so divine, all right 

                                         -Prince

"Happiness is Constant" -J.Kee

I don't know how many times I've asked God for happiness. I would pray and tell the lord that if I had nothing else in this life, happiness would be all that I needed. Am I happy? Yes! Have I always been? Heck no. Do I get sad? Quite frequently, in fact I embrace my sadness. Do I cry? No doubt! It s so cleansing. I just don t think I would be happier if I had fewer problems. I think that happiness in a life that has seen and been exposed to disappointment, abandonment, hurt and dissatisfaction, the search for happiness will always be a constant.  I am speaking in terms of 1st hand experience. I think that when you are child who goes to bed as a child, but wakes up as an adult because you are forced to do so, the search for happiness will always be a constant. I also believe that if you do not have a sense of feeling loved, the search for happiness will always be a constant. On a much fluffier note, happiness can be constant and is constant when it exists and you practice it.

So, the quote: True happiness is not the absence of suffering: you cannot have day after day of clear skies. True happiness lies in building a self that stands dignified and indomitable. Happiness doesn't always mean having a life free from all difficulties but whatever difficulties arise, without being shaken in the least, you can summon up the unflinching courage and conviction to fight and overcome them. -Daisaku Ikeda

In my constant search for happiness, I have stumbled across several readings and teachings and beliefs and practices on the subject, almost to the point of obsession. Some have remained constant. I thought I would never be happy. Sad, right? Not so much now than it was then. I have to get back to work, but you defiantly sparked one of my hot topics. So much that I am motivated to expand. I am very much and emotional being. I stand for peace and harmony (most of the time, but don t cross me. I have a series of alter egos and there is one mean, vindictive, spiteful, nasty son of a bitch that will take any chance to surface...nothing but the Libra in me. I m real good people though...you know that already) so while happiness is a continuous struggle, I know what it is.

There is a distinctive difference between relative happiness and absolute happiness. Most people subconsciously interchange the two but Absolute happiness is more constant than relative happiness. Relative happiness can fade away because "relative happiness is the feeling of satisfaction, gratification, or elation experienced from achieving some goal or having desires fulfilled...absolute happiness is a state of life in which we can enjoy our existence under any circumstances." In terms of the mind and the body, just because your physical is happy, that doesn't mean your mind is. I constantly work to keep my mind right. Abraham Lincoln said: "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"   I work on happiness. In your spare time, take a look at this article: http://www.ikedaquotes.org/what-is-happiness.html I found it today when I was looking for his quote. I haven t navigated through the whole site, but it looks interesting.

Peace, Love, and super bright light!!!

On my mark, get set...GO!

This is my first blog.  Congratulations me!  For months I have been toying with the idea of blogging.  According to my stats, I have been blogging since June 2010...I wouldn't have realized how many months I had been toying if i hadn't been purging my word documents and come across something saved as: Blogging

Not really knowing the in's and out's of the whole blogging bit and being the self-critical perfectionist  that I am, I set off on a journey to learning.  There were/are so many questions swarming around between my ears: How does this work?  Why do people blog?  Why do I want to blog?  What do I even want to write about?  When will I ever find the time to blog?  How often will I do this? Do I need to be consistent? (uh-oh, I hope not) Who's gonna read this? What am I gonna say?  Will I curse?  How all am I going to tell?  Yikes!

I only got as far as making a bookmark folder called: Blogging 

I usually only get as far as not getting far at all.  Still not knowing how, but knowing that I want to, tonight I get set on my mark and I GO!  

This still doesn't look quite like I want it to, but I'm not gonna let that stop my GO.

Peace and Light Earthling